Mentorship: Find a Beth; be a Beth

Merilee Vance
Jan 20
2 min read

It was Spring 2010, and I was frantically trying to find more information about this

“hairy nevus” that my doctor said my newborn had. Internet searches alone late at night, phone calls, prayers…that was my life for months on end, until I found the Nevus Outreach Yahoo Group. I wrote an introduction post and was immediately written back by another mom, Beth.

Beth & Merilee at the 2024 Nevus Outreach international conference and reunion. — Beth & Merilee - 2024 Conference

Beth told me not to worry. She calmed my nerves. She told me everything was going to be ok. And that’s when I knew I’d found a friend. I found my Beth.

Beth quickly told me answers to questions I didn’t even know I had. She helped me navigate this new nevus world. She helped me plan for fundraisers for our upcoming surgeries (Hello, Cookbooks). And she offered to let me sit with her at the upcoming conference.

That first conference in 2010 was terrifying. I went alone so I could get all the nevus information I could cram into my brain. Beth found me that first night and let me sit with her and her beautiful family. She introduced me to Christine at that conference, who was another mom who Beth had taken under her wing. The three of us were fast friends; we were members of this secret club that no other non-nevus mom could even begin to comprehend.

But then more kids were born with a nevus and coming to the Yahoo group for support. Several kids were born right around the same time, and we moms became wonderful friends. Amie and I made sure to have our first surgeries together, and we’re still the best of friends…14 years later. Melissa lived just two

counties over from me when I moved to CA, so we got close. Christine lived by Amie, so they saw each other at the dermatologist’s office. Birthday trips to Vegas, countless hours on the phone, several surgery trips to Chicago together…we have done it all.

Christine with baby Joshua, Beth & Merilee at that very first conference in 2010 — Christine with baby Joshua, Beth, Merilee at that very first conference in 2010

I truly believe that my success in this nevus journey all started with one person…Beth. Had it not been for her and her infectious laugh, endless hours of advise-giving, and the biggest, best hugs you’ll ever get, I just don’t know how I’d be sitting where I am today. It was because of her that I can be someone else’s Beth too. I can give my advise. I can give a shoulder to lean on. I can give my phone number so people can text questions or anxieties to.

So, to anyone reading this today…I challenge you.

If you’re new, Find A Beth. Open up to anyone who reaches out and accept their guidance.
If you’re a nevus veteran, Be A Beth. Find the new parents. Reach out. And remember what it was like when you were in their shoes and how valuable all that information and friendship truly was.